Creating a Memorable Wedding Ceremony
I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard couples say “we just want a quick ceremony so we can get it over with and get to the party”. But here’s the thing: the ceremony is kind of the ENTIRE REASON FOR THE DAY! (Otherwise, it’s just a very expensive party. Like, VERY).
So, why not lean into the ceremony? Spend some time making it your own, personalize it, and create a meaningful and memorable part of your day. Then, you’ll really have something to celebrate! (And bonus points if you have as much fun with it as these two!!)
Photo cred: Red Button Photography
Religious Ceremonies
OK - here’s the real tea on religious ceremonies: sometimes, you just don’t have much control. Depending on the place of worship, you may find yourself with little to no control over what’s said during the ceremony. Certain religions require that ceremonies follow the verbiage set out decades ago, and refuse to alter it, regardless of the situation.
BUT, some churches/synagogues/temples are open to a little bit of personalization, as long as it’s within their guidelines. So don’t be afraid to ask. When you meet with the officiant or the person who deals with weddings at the venue, ask if you can read the ceremony that they’ll be using. If there are phrases or concepts that you’re not comfortable with, ask if they can be altered. It’s not likely that they’ll change the entire ceremony in many cases, but it’s worth asking if they’ll bend a little bit.
In many cases, you may be able to choose your own readings, appoint your own people to read them (this is a great way to incorporate someone who didn’t quite make the ‘wedding party’ list, but who you’d like to have involved somehow), and choose your own music. Just be sure to ask, especially where music is concerned, if there are any restrictions (i.e. no pop music in a Catholic Church, in most cases).
Photo Cred: HRM Photography
Secular Ceremonies
A secular ceremony definitely gives you more freedom for personalization, as they’re usually presided over by a lay-officiant, and often you can customize the entire ceremony, as long as you keep the legal parts intact. Many officiants will incorporate as much or as little religion as you want (and sometimes, you’ll want to include a prayer or reading to placate grandma!), and will allow you to choose your own readings and music.
Photo Cred: LR Studios
The Legal Bits
In Ontario, there are actually pretty strict restrictions on who can legally perform a marriage ceremony (so it’s not like you can get ordained online like Joey from Friends and do your friends’ ceremony). A marriage must be performed by an acknowledged minister OR a Justice of the Peace/Judge/Municipal Clerk to be legal. The actual parts of the ceremony that the legal officiant MUST include are:
Some indication that you are there of your own free will/that you are intending to marry
The signing of the Marriage License (which you can obtain from any municipality in Ontario, and which is good for 90 days)
The official ‘pronouncement’ that you are now married
Other than that, there’s actually nothing stopping you from having a friend officiate your ceremony. In fact, I’ve had couples have a friend or family member perform the ceremony, and just had a legal officiant ‘waiting in the wings’ to make it legal, OR, they’ve gone to City Hall (or eloped at our Studio!) prior to or after the ceremony.
Photo Cred: Timeless Tree Weddings
Places to Customize
As I mentioned, there are LOTS of ways to customize your ceremony, depending on the flexibility of your officiant (for tips on how to choose an officiant, check out our video here!). Some can include:
Readings
Whether you choose this yourself, or allow the reader to pick and surprise you, these are a great way to personalize your ceremony. Some ideas include:
Bible verses
Shakespearean Sonnets
Poetry
Passages from Books (I once had an incredible one from Harry Potter, and Oh, The Places You’ll Go is another cute one!)
Song Lyrics
Purpose-written Wedding Readings (there’s a cute one called Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog, if that’s your jam, or there’s even one you could combine with a ceremony tequila shot that compares marriage to tequila. Incorporate your personalities!)
Musical Interludes
This is a great way to incorporate musical friends, or use recorded music or professional musicians. You could think about:
Having ‘your song’ played during the signing of the register
Incorporating a song that was a contender for first dance, but that didn’t make the cut
If one of you is a musician, you could sing or play the other down the aisle
Having a friend, family member, or yourselves write and record or perform a song for your processional or recessional
Choosing music with meaningful lyrics or a cute/funny message for the processional, signing of the register, or the recessional. (When I got married, my recessional was an old jazz tune called Don’t Get Around Much Anymore, which we thought was hilarious, though, TBH, most of our guests didn’t get it.)
Your Vows
Writing personal vows is a fantastic (albeit nerve-wracking!) way to personalize your ceremony. You can share touching, heartfelt or funny thoughts and anecdotes to let your guests in on a little bit more of your story. A couple of tips if you decide to go this way:
Photo Cred: Red Button Photography
Start early! (The process will take longer than you think!)
Set some ground rules with your partner. Make sure you agree on things like overall tone and length to avoid one partner pouring their heart out for ten minutes, and the other one doing a 30-second roast.
Don’t try to memorize your vows. Have a hard copy that your officiant hands to you when the time comes. Nerves + attempted memorization = possible disaster!
Ask your DJ (if there is one) or your videographer to record your vows at a different time than the ceremony - it’ll allow clean audio for your videographer to use in the final edit, or at least be a memorable audio file to listen back on.
Attend a vow-writing workshop. We offer them yearly. Click here to see if there’s one coming up soon.
Too nervous to say your own vows in front of everyone? Consider writing personal vows to share at your first look (or first non-look). You’ll still have that special moment, but it’ll be a lot more private.
The Officiant’s Message
Take some time to allow your officiant (if you don’t know them personally) to get to know you. That way, they can incorporate some meaningful tidbits into the ceremony that will add warmth and personality. You might consider sharing:
The story of how you met
Trips you’ve taken together
Funny things you do together/inside jokes (don’t get too in the weeds here, though - you want your guests to understand!)
How you got engaged
Things you enjoy doing together/how you spend your downtime
Who does the household chores
The Unity Ceremony
Gone are the days of the unity candle (and for pete’s sake, please don’t even TRY a unity candle outside, unless you have a hurricane to protect it from the wind!). Realistically, you can do anything your heart desires that demonstrates two people/families coming together. Some ideas I’ve seen:
Wine blending (choose each of your favourites and make a unique combo)
Wine bottle ceremony (write each other a letter for a future anniversary OR for a major fight that you don’t know if you’ll get through, then nail them inside a wine box with a really good bottle)
Tree planting (dirt from each of your childhood homes or meaningful locations, then plant the tree in YOUR forever home)
Art (get a cute apron and paint two halves of a heart - bonus - it doubles as a guestbook once it dries!)
Candle making (though…. Hot wax and a wedding dress? Be careful!)
Chemical reactions (I assume if you’re going to try this one, you have more scientific knowledge than I do!!)
Photo Cred: Tamara Lockwood
Other Parts of the Ceremony as You See Fit
Over the years, I’ve had lots of creative couples incorporate their personalities in various ways in their ceremony. As long as your officiant is amenable, the venue agrees, and it’s tasteful and personal, there’s really no reason why you can’t personalize any element of the wording. Some things I’ve had couples do, or would LIKE to have couples do:
Have members of the wedding party read sections of the ceremony, and the officiant do the ‘legal’ bits
Have moms or dads hold the rings or sign the license
Ask grandma to be the flowergirl, or have your mom as your matron of honour
Adapt the Jewish ‘seven blessings’ to bring in friends who weren’t part of the wedding party
Stepdad walks the bride halfway down the aisle, then dad does the other half
Couple walks in together
Make a unique entrance (horseback, skydiving, helicopter)
Incorporate pets (I’ve had horses tied at the altar, and TONS of doggie ring bearers
Photo Cred: Golden Hearts Collective
Ultimately, I want you to have a ceremony that makes people cry, if that’s your goal. Or if you want to make them laugh, that’s cool too. Your ceremony should be reflective of who you and your partner are as a couple, and that will hopefully be immediately apparent to your guests. Even if you’re limited by the restrictions of a religious institution, I hope that you can find a way to weave in a little bit of your unique story as a couple.
Try to start the personalization process early so you have lots of time to perfect your ceremony before the big day. Things get busy in the last couple of months! And if you need help, as always, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’ve got your back!
